Love of a Friend
by Nixton
Summary: Jowan and Vivian have been best friends for years, but Vivian has developed stronger feelings for Jowan. Will Jowan ever feel the same? Rated M for Sexual Content and future Violence. Reviews welcomed. On hiatus.
1. Confession, denied

"Today's the day." I say to myself as I walk briskly down the hall, my shoulder length brunette hair flying behind me, passing by Templars and fellow apprentices. "Today's the day I tell him how I feel. No more putting it off, I'm going to confess my feelings to Jowan." I smile, feeling giddy, butterflies in my stomach. "Just the thought of it makes me want start skipping. In fact, I think I will." I start skipping down the hall, getting strange looks from all the apprentices and mages I pass, and a few of the Templars too.

"Ah, I can just imagine how things will go when I tell him."

"_Jowan, I have something great I want to tell you." I will say, smiling with just a slight blush._

"_Yes Vivian, what is it?" He will ask, lifting his head from whatever book he will be reading at the time._

_I'll bend down and whisper in his ear, "I'm in love with you." I'll lean back up, put my hands behind my back, sway my hips some, and blush with my cutest smile._

_He'll have a dumbfounded look on his face. "W-what?" He'll ask, wanting to make sure he heard me correctly._

_I'll lean back forward and give him a quick peck on the lips. "I said I'm in love with you." I'll say, smiling brightly._

_A few moments will pass as he processes what I said. Then, a smile will spread on his lips. "I-I am so happy right now. I'm in love with you too. I was just so afraid you would decline me." He will stand up and embrace me in a hug, kissing me deeply as his hand runs through my hair, brushing ever so lightly against my pointy ear._

I was so lost in my fantasy that I didn't see the Templar I just ran into. We both fall down, me landing on top of him.

"Ouch, watch where you're going!" The Templar yells at me.

"Oh, sorry, I was lost in a day dream." I say cheerily. I look down at the Templar and see it's Cullen. When he looks at me he starts to get flustered and his face becomes red as he pushes me off of him.

"N-no, no, it's a-alright Vivian. My fault, t-totally." He stutters, helping me get up.

I furrow my brow. "Are you ok? You're awfully red." I put my hand on his forehead. "Do you have a fever?" I ask, my face only a few inches from his. He pushes my arm down and takes a step back.

"N-no, I-I don't have a fever." He responds, shaking his head and waving his hands in front of him.

"Are you allergic to anything? You always seem to get all flustered and red faced whenever we talk. Maybe to one of the herbs I use when I bathe. I do use a few uncommon herbs when I bathe." For some reason he started to get even redder. "Alright, that's it, I'm taking you to the infirmary." I grab his hand and start pulling him with me. "You keep on turning red every time you're near me and we are going to figure out what the problem is." He pulls his hand free from mine.

"No-no, I-I'll be fine. I'm…I'm just over heated is all. I-I have somewhere I need to be." He rushes off.

"Wait, you're sick you need to be healed." I call after him, but he turns into a room forbidden to apprentices. I cross my arms and pout. "He always runs off when we talk. Maybe he can't stand me, and his face is turning red with rage." My face turns to that of shock and I put a hand up to my mouth. "He can't hate me can he? Everyone I know loves me." I sadden. "I don't want people to hate me."

A Templar standing against the wall addresses me. "Hey apprentice. Vivian was it?" He says to me. I look over at his helmet-clad head. That type of armor always seemed so confining to me, and heavy. I don't know how they wear and move around in that stuff everyday.

"Yes." I answer sadly. How could somebody hate me, especially Cullen? He's always watching over me, like the Templars do but he's the one that watches me the most. Maybe he watches me because he hates me and is waiting for me to slip up so he can have an excuse to run me through.

"Listen, Cullen doesn't hate you." The Templar tells me.

"Then why does he always run when I try to talk to him and he becomes all red-faced?" I ask with sincere hope at knowing somebody doesn't hate me.

He rubs the back of his neck. He's silent for a moment before speaking up. "Well, it's not really my place to tell you but let's just say that before he became a full Templar he used to know an elven girl…intimately and she looked a lot like you."

I instantly brighten up. "Oh I get it. Whenever he sees me he thinks back to those wonderful nights he spent with his true love." I sigh contently. "Awwww, that is so romantic." Speaking of romance, I almost forgot about Jowan and confessing my love for him. "Oh, have you seen Jowan around? I have something important to tell him." My giddy smile and butterflies in my stomach return.

"I believe I saw him up in the Chantry, probably spending his time slacking off rather than studying or practicing his magic like he should be."

I giggle. "Aw come now Mr. Templar, there is nothing wrong with a little downtime. Besides, the privacy of the Chantry is perfect for my confession!" I exclaim happily.

The Templar chuckles. "It's good to see you mages can still find love within this tower."

"I know! I've been in love with my best friend for a year and today's the day I confess it to him!" I clasp my hands together and stare up at the ceiling dreamily. "It's going to be wonderful." I giggle again and skip off towards the Chantry. I wave back at the Templar. "Thanks Mr. Templar!"

"A confession in the Chantry, I can't think of anything more romantic." I muse to myself. I drift off into another daydream.

_I will walk into the Chantry and sneak up on Jowan as he is sitting on the middle right pew, reading a scroll about Andraste. I will cover his eyes with my hands and whisper in his ear "Guess who?"_

_He will chuckle. "There's only one person such a lovely voice could belong too. Vivian."_

_I will giggle at the compliment and sit down next to him. "Guess what Jowan." I will tell him, smiling, giving a slight blush._

"_You have the cutest smile in all of Thedas?" He will respond, oh so lovingly, causing me to smile and blush even more._

"_Well there is that. But no that's not it." I will lean to his ear and whisper, "I'm in love with you."_

_He will get this huge silly grin on his face, grab me, and surprise me with a deep, passionate kiss, both of us falling down in the pew, him laying on top of me. He will reluctantly part our kiss to whisper back to me, "I'm in love with you too."_

I squeal with excitement as I'm skipping down the hall. "This is going to be such a wonderful da-aahhh!" Once again, because of my daydreaming, I run right into somebody, falling right on top of them again. "Oh I am soooo sorry! I wasn't paying attention, off in a daydream. I'm sorry."

The woman laughs. "It's ok, I was young once too. From the look I'd say it's a boy that's got you distracted." I get off of her and it's not until I help her up that I realize it is Wynne.

I gasp and begin fretting, pacing back and forth. "Wynne! Oh no, no, no, no. How could I be so stupid? Not paying attention to where I was going, knocking over my own mentor in spirit healing. Now I'm going to have to cast a hundred spells as a punishment and I'll be too late to find Jowan at the Chantry and miss out on the most romantic confession ever."

"Vivian, Vivian!" She laughs, grabbing my arm to stop my pacing. "It's ok, there's no need to worry."

"But I should have been paying attention! You could have broken a bone or worse." I say, concern heavy in my voice.

Wynne just laughs even more. "Now Vivian, I'm not so old as to where I'll break a hip from such a simple tumble. You're young, and nothing quite distracts the young like love. And what's this I hear about a confession?"

My worry completely vanishes, being replaced by my giddiness and butterflies and my love struck smile. "Yes, I'm going to the Chantry right now to find my best friend Jowan and confess my love to him. It's going to be so romantic. After a year of being in love I'm going to finally confess it to him and we are going to be happy together."

"Yes, that does sound wonderful, but you must be careful, things rarely go as smoothly and easily as we plan. I've told you this before when you first started to learn spirit healing with your 'this is going to be a breeze' attitude."

"But this is different Wynne, we've been best friends since I first came here. How could he have not developed the same feelings for me? I'm absolutely positive he will love me back." I clasp my hands together again, getting that dreamy look in my eye. "And after we know our love for each other, we will spend the night together under the moonlight. It will be magnificent."

"Now Vivian," She says, now in the voice of a mentor, waggling her finger, "you shouldn't rush right into this. You don't know how he feels about you. You should find out if he shares your feelings first, or at least tell him your feelings in a subtler manner instead of just blurting it out to him. I was young and in love once my self believe it or not. You've got to be careful about how you approach this. If you make the wrong move it will not only ruin your chances at a more intimate relationship but it could also ruin your friendship."

I start to get angry with Wynne. How dare she tell me that Jowan doesn't love me? I know he does. "I've been best friends with Jowan for years." I hiss at her. "I know him better than anyone else. I know that he loves me and to hear you tell me he doesn't love me, well to be honest kind of ticks me off. I will not let anyone, mentor or no, tell me otherwise." I turn away from Wynne and walk off, clenching my fists.

"I have given you my advice, whether you listen to it or not is your choice." Wynne says out to me. Like I need the advice of some old batty woman from the Storm age. I know what I'm doing and I know how things will go. I will tell him I'm in love with him, he will return my feelings and we will be happy. We will make love under the moonlight; get leave to travel across Ferelden to further our knowledge and allow our love to grow. And when we return, we will get married and be the happiest couple in all of Thedas.

I approach the Chantry and my anger instantly evaporates, once again allowing the giddiness and butterflies to serge through my body. I reach the Chantry door and stop, feeling my heart beating faster, my palms getting sweaty. I just stand there, looking at the door, fidgeting with my hands. I'm nervous. Why am I nervous? I told myself I wasn't going to be nervous, that I was going to be strong and direct. I slowly reach up for the door, my handing shaking. I grasp the handle and I swallow nervously.

Why is this so hard? This should be easy. Just open the door, tell Jowan how you feel, listen to him confess his feelings back, and embrace each other sharing a deep, passionate kiss. So then why am I so nervous? Am I afraid, afraid that Wynne is right? I shake my head at such a ridicules thought. There's no way that ancient relic is right. I'm right; Jowan is in love with me just as much as I am with him. Things are going to go perfectly. With renewed courage I open the door and walk in, almost running right into Jowan.

"Uh J-Jowan, hi." I say with a nervous smile, my courage faltering. I didn't expect to just run right into him like this. I was hoping I could interrupt his reading or something.

"Oh Vivian, I was just on my way to find you." He says cheerily. I start to get even more nervous. He was going to find me? Was he going to confess to me first? That-that is so much more romantic than anything I can think of. My nerves fade away as the butterflies not only flutter in my stomach but also around my head. I give my cutest smile and tilt my head slightly.

"Yes Jowan, what do you need?" I ask, my lovesick voice floating around the room.

He places his hands behind his back, slowly wandering back into the Chantry, staring up at the ceiling. "I wanted to tell you something, the most wonderful thing just happened to me." He says, with what I imagine is a love struck look in his eye. I feel giddier than I've felt all day. He must have just realized his undying love for me and he's going to confess.

"Oh, what is it Jowan? Please, do tell." I say coyly, my hands behind my back, walking next to him. He stops and turns to me, grabbing my shoulders. This is it! This is the part where he tells me he loves me and deeply and passionately kisses me! I feel like my body is going to explode and butterflies are going to fill up the whole tower.

"I've met a girl!" He says excitedly, clasping his hands together, staring back up at the ceiling. I just stand there, my body completely numb, my heart shattering into a million pieces. Did-did he just…just say what I-I think he said? He…he met a girl and…and it's not me? "She is the most beautiful girl I've ever met." He continues, causing a sharp, stabbing pain all over my body, the strongest of which right at my chest. "And she has the most magnificent voice ever to grace my ears."

I feel tears streaming down my cheeks. He-he's in love with someone else. Wynne was right, he…he doesn't love me. All the butterflies within me had died. I feel empty. He turns back to me and a look of concern crosses his face.

"Vivian, what's wrong? Why are you crying?" He places his warm hand on my cheek, wiping away my tears with care. _If you make the wrong move it will not only ruin your chances at a more intimate relationship but it could also ruin your friendship. _Wynne's words ring through my head. She's right. I-I can't tell Jowan that I'm heart broken, it will just make things complicated.

I shake my head, a forced smile on my face, wiping away more tears. "Nothing's wrong Jowan, I'm just so happy for you to…to have found someone." It hurts me so much to lie like that, seeing that love-stricken look in his eye and knowing it's not caused by me. I try to stop the tears but I can't.

Jowan seems satisfied with my answer and continues with his love ramble. "I'm so happy too! It's such a wonderful feeling. My heart feels so full, my stomach has butterflies, and I feel absolutely giddy. I hope some day you will be able to feel like this too." I already did you jerk, until you crushed my heart!

"Y-yeah." I say weakly. "I…I can't wait. I'm…sure it's a delightful feeling." Tears start falling down my cheeks again. I try to wipe them away. "I just remembered I…I have somewhere I need to be." I turn and start to walk out of the Chantry, no longer able to hide my heart broken feelings from showing on my face.

"Ok, I'll see you tomorrow then." He calls out as I close the door. I rush down the halls, pushing people out of my way, tears streaming down my cheeks. I am so stupid. How could I have believed that he loved me? We've been best friends since I first came here when I seven and I'm nineteen now. If he loved me he would have told me by now. I'm just an idiot, a stupid, dumb, idiot. I reach the apprentice quarters and I fall onto my bed, crying. It's the middle of the day so there is hardly anyone in here. I just lie there crying myself to sleep. I toss and turn as I dream.

_It's a beautiful day; the sun is shining brightly as me and Jowan are laughing, sitting on a blanket in the middle of a beautiful field, feeding each other strawberries. He takes a bite of one of the delicious morsels before plopping it into my mouth. He follows it with his lips pressing up against mine. I press back, pushing him down, lying on top of him. His arms encircle my waist as I part my lips from his and stare lovingly into his eyes._

"_I love you Jowan." I say, smiling brightly. Jowan smiles back, but his smile slowly turns to a frown. I furrow my brow. "Jowan, what's wrong?" I ask. Suddenly it starts to get darker. I look up to see black clouds covering the sky, thunder rumbling, with lightning dancing along the surface. Jowan violently pushes me off of him, standing above me with a scowl on his face. Rain starts pouring heavily._

"_I don't love you, Vivian." He says coldly. He walks off, towards a single ray of sunshine, where a shadow is standing next to it, waiting for him._

"_Jowan! Please, don't leave me! I love you!" I scream, tears dripping, soaking wet, on my hands and knees, reaching out to him. He reaches the ray of light and the shadow raises one of its arms and caresses his face. When the arm makes contact with the light it becomes the delicate arm and hand of a woman. Jowan leans out of the light and kisses the shadow._

_He looks back at me with the same scowl on his face. "Your love means nothing to me. I love another." As he said those words I could see cracks forming all along my arm. Cracks began to snake their way all along my body. I couldn't speak, move, or even think. Jowan and the shadow started to walk away, hand in hand, the ray of light following him. My body crumbles into dust, turning into mud from the rain._

I wake up with a start, suddenly sitting up, my eyes wide, gasping. I feel my face and look at my arms, checking to make sure I was still in one piece. I sigh in relief when I'm sure I'm not falling apart. I look out the high window of the apprentice quarters and see the sky is dark with stars shining. I must have slept through the whole afternoon. Great, I missed all my afternoon lessons. I'm probably going to be punished and have to cast the same boring spell five hundred times.

I lie back down and realize my blanket has fallen down to my lap. I don't remember covering myself up with it. Maybe one of my mentors came to scold me for not coming to my lesson and found me laying here and put it on me. I reach under my bed, grabbing the small hand mirror I keep there. It was birthday present Jowan gave me during my last birthday. I look at my reflection and see the tear stains on my face. I recall the previous day and the terrible dream and I almost start crying again.

I shake my head. No, this is no time to start crying again. Jowan is happy and that's all that matters…even if his happiness doesn't involve me. Isn't that what they say? If you truly love someone you will do what will make them happy and not yourself? I get up out of bed. I need to wash my face before going back to bed. There's a water basin in the privy, might as well go there. I head out of the apprentice quarters.

I guess the only thing I can do is hope that this girl will break his heart. And with his broken heart he'll come to me for comfort.

"_Vivian!" He'll cry out, finding me studying in a secluded corner by myself._

"_Jowan, what's wrong? Why are you crying?" I'll ask, tossing my book aside holding his face with care, wiping away the tears._

_He'll sniff. "She…she broke up with me." He'll start crying harder and I'll embrace him in a hug, letting him rest his head on my chest. "She…she told me she found somebody more suitable to her tastes and she just…just broke up with me."_

_I'll stroke his head, shushing him. "Don't cry Jowan, she never deserved a man like you." I'll say softly, rocking him gently._

"_But…but she said she l-loved me." I'll hug him tighter, rubbing his back. I'll lean down and whisper in his ear._

"_You'll always have my love." We will sit there for a few minutes, as he calms down some. He'll sit up and look into my deep blue eyes, wiping his tears and nose off on his sleeve._

"_You're right. I will always have your love." He'll gently hold my face in his hand and lean in to lightly kiss me. "And you'll always have mine." He'll whisper into my ear._

I walk slowly down the hall, smiling at my daydream. Or would it be a night dream since it's nighttime? I let out a contented sigh. "Yes, that'll be the most romantic way for us to come together yet." I begin feeling a little bit giddy as the butterflies return to life. "I can wait a few more months for us to be together." I'm almost to the privy when I notice a flash of light come from a small room used for magical training. I sneak over to the slightly ajar door and peer into the room.

I look around the dark room and see Jowan standing there. What's he doing up so late? Maybe he's just getting some midnight training in so his turn for the Harrowing will come sooner.

"Alright, let's try this again." He says to himself. He brings up a knife in is right hand and makes a cut along his left palm. I'm watching with wide eyes the whole time. Some blood floats up and he closes his eyes in concentration. The blood quickly bursts into flames before disappearing. He sighs in frustration. "Let's try it again."

I move away from the door and lean against the wall, sliding to the floor. Jowan is a…blood mage? My shocked expression slowly turns into a smirk. Seems like I'm not the only one keeping a secret. I pull a small knife I keep at my waist and prick my left index finger, a small pool of blood forms at my fingertip and lights on fire. How can Jowan not see we are perfect for each other? We've been friends since childhood and we're both blood mages. I get up and proceed to the privy, with my knowing smirk. In a few more months, things will be as they should and our love for each other will flourish.


	2. Monthly wager

A month passed and the days were proceeding just like any other day, except that each one brought Jowan that much closer to falling in love with me. We still talked regularly during our free time and practiced magic together like always. He hardly ever mentioned this mysterious girl he was seeing but whenever he did it was a powerful stab to my heart. It always made me want to start crying. But I reminded myself that in another month or two things would be as they should, with me in Jowans arms.

A couple nights, four to be precise, I saw him sneaking off and I would follow him. Three of the times he snuck into a practice room to practice with his blood magic. I would always smile at knowing that we both have a secret that would get us killed if it were found out. I always find it's much easier to reserve a room for individual magic practice, and lock it behind me. I would roll up my left sleeve and lightly cut my left arm to give me access to my blood. That's why I enjoy long sleeved robes. And if anyone came in, cause those Templars have a nasty habit of popping in randomly even with a locked door, I could tell them I'm practicing healing. That's an excuse I realized I could use after I started taking lessons from Wynne.

But one night he snuck to the Chantry. I followed as close as I could, making sure he wouldn't see me. I'm surprised he didn't catch me with how loud my footsteps are. I've never been any good at sneaking around. He looked around, trying to make sure nobody was following him. He was actually being much more cautious and careful when going to the Chantry than sneaking off to do what most people call forbidden magic. Never really understood why it's considered forbidden, I believe it has a most practical use.

If you're in the middle of a heated battle, you're out of mana and there's no lyrium near by, using your own blood to fuel your magic could be a lifesaver. Why people would want to ban something so useful is confusing to me, that's why I don't think about it much, I hate being confused. Which is also why I hate riddles, all they do is try to confuse you. Even though most of them seem to have obvious answers to me.

He snuck into the Chantry, sliding through the door. I waited a few moments before sliding through the door myself. I see the shadow of his form in the far corner. Why did he come here? I then hear soft giggling. My eyes open wide as I feel that very familiar pain in my chest. He sneaks off at night to meet this girl in private? Why, why does he need to be so secretive about this relationship? My face contorted into a scowl as I stared intently at the shadow of the girl. There she is, the girl that took Jowan from me, only a couple dozen feet away.

I wanted to catch her on fire, freeze her, strike her with lightning, and then shatter her with a stone fist. I was so angry, clenched fists shaking, tears streaming down my cheeks. She was right there. Right THERE! I could have lied in wait until Jowan left and…and done something to her or told her something that would have made her want to just slap Jowan in the face and scream at him to never see her again. But I'm too kind and was too hurt to do that. I just slipped out, carelessly opening and closing the door, not caring if they know somebody was watching.

Anyways, I said this happened in the month since Jowan told me about that girl and delayed the inevitable time that he would fall madly in love with me so that we could live happily ever after. The day started off like any of the other days within the last month, which are different from the last year when I wasn't waiting for Jowan to love me back, which those were different from the time I wasn't in love with my best friend. I was sitting at the usual table I sit at in the mornings eating my breakfast when Jowan sits down to join me.

I pop a piece of egg into my mouth and smile at him. "Good morning Jowan!" Every morning I've greeted him for the past year and one month I've wanted to kiss him on the cheek before I say that, but I resist the urge and instead hug him sometimes, which isn't unusual cause I hug a lot of people when I greet them.

"Good morning Vivian." He greets back with his magnificent smile that makes my heart flutter. "Did you hear the news?" He asks.

"What, did Brandon and Katherine finally stop beating around the bush and get together?" I ask, remembering how those two have been all shy and blushing around each other for the past three months. "Because if they haven't I swear to Andraste that tomorrow I'm going to drag both of them into the meadow by the gardens and force them to have a romantic picnic with a view of Lake Calenhad and make sure they enjoy themselves and at the end of the date kiss each other goodbye." Date scenario number twelve that I came up with for Jowan and me.

Jowan laughs, which causes me to smile even more. "I have no doubt that you will do that, and you may have to. Those two just keep getting too embarrassed around each other. But that's not the news."

"Aw, do we have to get to this juicy new gossip right now?" I playfully pout. "Can't we make fun of Brad and Kate some more first?"

"That does sound fun but this is big!" He says, extending his arms out to enhance his words.

"So big that you forgot to get breakfast?" I ask, arching an eyebrow.

"No but I'm not hungry anyways." His stomach then rumbles loudly, causing him to blush with embarrassment. I giggle. He's so cute when he's embarrassed. His face always turns red like a cherry. I hold my fork with some egg on it up to him.

"Here, have some of mine." I say, resting my head in my hand, smiling blissfully

"Thanks." He tries to grab the fork but I move it away from his grasp.

"Ah, ah, ah. Open your mouth and I'll feed it to you." I say, holding the fork up to him again.

"But-but that's embarrassing." He says, rubbing the back of his neck. I just love teasing him, its always so much fun. And it always puts me into a good mood no matter how I'm feeling, even though I'm almost always in a good mood. Some call it an upbeat attitude; I just call it enjoying life.

"I know." I say devilishly. He gains his composure, or what little he can, and opens his mouth. I start to move the fork forward when he picks up the egg off my plate and shoves it into his mouth. "Hey! That was mine!" I playfully scold him, lightly hitting him with my fork. He chuckles, grinning widely.

"I know. And now that I've eaten let me tell you the news."

I cross my arms and pout. "Fine, oh powerful mage, share with me your infinite wisdom." He leans forward, prompting me to lean forward with interest.

"There's a Grey Warden here at the tower."

"A Grey Warden here? This is so exciting!" I hop out of my chair, hopping with excitement causing Jowan to smile and laugh at my childlike glee. "I want to meet him! I've always wanted to meet a Grey Warden! Do you think he flew here on his griffin?" I ask. "Do you think he'll let me see his griffin? I wonder if he'll let me ride it. That would be so awesome!"

"Vivian!" Jowan laughs, grabbing my arm and pulling me back down into my chair. "I doubt he flew here on a griffin, they've been extinct for ages."

"Ah, but that's just what they want you to think." I say, pointing my fork at Jowan. "That way when they come flying in to save the world from another Blight it will be a most magnificent sight."

Jowan just shakes his head chuckling. "I hear he's here asking the mages for assistance to fight a large horde of Darkspawn by the request of the king himself."

"Lets go find this Grey Warden and ask if he'll let us ride on his griffin." I say, grabbing Jowans hand and dragging him into and down the hall with me. Ah, the feel of Jowans hand in mine gives me goose bumps.

"Vivian, slow down!" He laughs, stumbling behind me. He trips and falls onto the floor, jerking me down with him since I had such a strong hold on his hand. I sit up, crossing my legs, rubbing the back of my head.

"Ow, that hurt meanie." I say, turning to Jowan who was laying face down on the floor. He raises his head to look at me, an adorable red mark on his forehead from the fall. He looks so cute! I just want to kiss his forehead and make him feel all better.

"If you weren't going so fast I wouldn't have tripped." He groans, pushing himself up into a sitting position.

"If you were a bit quicker maybe you wouldn't have tripped." I say, a small smile creeping onto my face. I could see Jowan starting to smile too. These playful arguments were always so much fun.

"It's hard to keep up with you. You've always been faster than I am, and not just physically." I giggle. I love it when he compliments me; it always makes me feel so warm and fuzzy.

"Jowan, Vivian, why are you two sitting in the middle of the hall?" A voice full of experience and wisdom asks.

"First Enchanter." Jowan says uneasily. "Sorry, w-we didn't mean to get in anybodies way. Vivian was pulling me down the hall too fast and we fell." I hop to my feet and spin around, smiling a big smile, extending my arms out.

"Irving!" I say cheerfully as I pull him into a big hug. "It's so good to see you!" Irving chuckles as he returns the hug. "We were just about to come and find you." I step back, smiling like I always do. "We heard there was a Grey Warden here at the tower. Can we meet him?" I ask, clasping my hands together, bouncing up and down, giving him my cutest puppy dog pout. "Please, please, please, please, please, please!"

I hear the hardy laughter of another man and its then that I notice said man standing to the right of Irving. He is a handsome middle-aged man with a black beard covering his face from one side to the other and his black hair pulled back. He may be handsome, but nobody is as handsome as Jowan. Not in my book.

"My, you certainly are full of energy." The man says. "I take it this is the mage you were telling me about Irving?"

"Apprentice actually, I haven't gone through my Harrowing yet." I surprise him with a hug and give him a polite smile. "My name's Vivian, nice to meet you."

"Vivian, it's not proper to hug the First Enchanter or somebody you don't even know." Jowan says, pulling me from the man.

"It's alright Jowan, what's a stranger but a friend you have yet to meet?" I say, prompting another chuckle from Irving and the man.

"I see you weren't exaggerating when you told me how energetic and friendly she is." The man says.

"So Irving, can we please, please, please meet this Grey Warden." I start begging again.

"I believe you've already made his acquaintance." Irving says, gesturing over to the middle-aged man who's not quite as handsome as Jowan but still handsome enough. "Vivian, Jowan, this is Duncan, leader of the Grey Wardens here in Ferelden."

I squeal with delight as I hug Duncan again. "Maker, can you believe it Jowan? An actual Grey Warden!" I release him and start jumping up and down with glee. "Oh I have so many questions to ask you! Did you fly here on a griffin? Can I see your griffin? Oh, oh can me and Jowan fly on your griffin?" I ask, putting my arm around Jowan. I love the feeling of him so close to me, I'll use any excuse to just to get him close to me. "Please, please, please!" Duncan starts laughing more, along with Irving.

"You'll have to excuse her." Jowan says, ducking under my arm. I miss the feel of him already. But no worries, another month or two and he'll be all mine. "She thinks that griffins being extinct is a conspiracy."

"But it is." I huff. "Go on Mr. Grey Warden tell them. You've got an army of griffins hiding in some cave just laying in wait for the next Blight."

"Ah, your childlike enthusiasm warms my heart but sadly, no. Griffins have been extinct for over two hundred years I'm afraid." Duncan tells me warmly.

"Oh, I get it." I smile devilishly. "It's a big secret, so only other Grey Wardens can know about it." I wink at him, slightly nudging him with my elbow. "Don't worry, you're secret's safe with me." I smile brightly, putting my hands behind my back, leaning forward. "So tell me Mr. Grey Warden, what brings you to the tower if not to show off your 'non-existent' griffin?"

"Duncan," Irving begins to explain, "is here on request of the king to ask us for aid against some unusually large Darkspawn raids in the south."

"Viv, weren't you listening to me when I told you about what I heard?" Jowan asks. Ah, I love it when he calls me Viv. It's such a cute nickname that only he calls me. Every time I hear him say it, it makes my heart flutter. I turn around and lean towards Jowan.

"Of course I was Jowan, but at the time it was only a rumor. Hearing it first hand gives the statement more strength and certainty." I put my arm around Jowan, putting him into a headlock. "You know I always listen to you when you talk. You always have the most juiciest gossip of the Tower." I start giving him a noogie.

"Ow, hey, that hurts." Jowan says, trying to free his head. I just smile and laugh as I continue.

"Consider this payback for making me fall earlier." He manages to pull he head free, twisting my arm behind my back in the process. He chuckles in my ear. Maker! The feel of his warm breath against my skin, oh it sends chills down my spine.

"That was your fault for going too fast in the first place." I was about to send a small shock of electricity through my arm to jolt him but I thought I'd let him win…this time.

"Ok Jowan, I give. I give." I laugh, smiling contently. I turn and look at Jowan, who was also laughing and smiling, my eyes dreaming, my lips begging, to move up against his soft, delicious looking lips and tell him how much I love him. Two more months I tell myself, just two more months until this mystery girl breaks his heart and sends him into my arms. There's no other way this will turn out. At least no other way I can think of. Nope, this girl will most defiantly break his heart and send him to me.

"Looks like I win this time. What's that put me at, seven?" He asks, rubbing his chin in feigned thought.

"Yeah, seven to my, now what was it again? Ah yes I remember, forty-six." I say, pinching Jowans cheek. He swats my hand away.

"Yes, but I've won two times in a row now. I'm getting better."

"Ahem." Irving coughs, interrupting our playful banter.

"That sounds like a terrible cough Irving, you should get it checked out." I tease him.

"If you two are quite finished I'll tell you the other reason Duncan is here."

I tilt my head in question. "The other reason Mr. Grey Warden is here? Does this have anything to do with you telling him about me?"

"Yes, that's correct." Duncan says, smiling warmly.

"You see Duncan is not only here on request of the king but he's also here looking for potential recruits for the Grey Wardens." Irving explains.

I tilt my head again. "I don't get it, what's that got to do with me Mr. Grey Warden?"

"When I told the First Enchanter here about possibly recruiting somebody for the Grey Wardens your name is the first that came to his mind." Duncan tells me. "And I have to say, you would make a fine Grey Warden."

"Me, a Grey Warden? But-but I'm not even a mage yet! I haven't even gone through my Harrowing! And besides…" I glance over at Jowan, feeling a small blush. "I don't think I could leave my life here." I love Jowan too much to be apart from him. I would never leave him, not even to join the Grey Wardens and get to fly around on one of those legendary griffins. Duncan gives me a warm, knowing smile. I suppose my love for Jowan is so very obvious. I think Jowan is the only one not to notice. Then again I really haven't acted differently around him since I've realized my love. The only difference really is that I'll occasionally blush around him and when he's not looking I'll stare longingly at him, fantasizing about our soon-to-be love.

"I understand." Duncan says. "Being a Grey Warden is a great responsibility and it requires one to cut all their ties from their past life in the name of duty. It can be hard for one to leave their friends, their family," His smile gets the slightest bit wider, "their loved ones behind. I won't press the issue."

I smile and let out a small giggle, putting an arm around Duncan and Irving, hugging them both. "Thanks. It was nice meeting you Mr. Grey Warden." I quickly spin around one and a half times before grabbing Jowans hand and pulling him down the hall with me. I turn my head and wave with my free hand. "Bye!" I yell back to them.

"Hey, Vivian, slow down! You're pulling my arm off." Jowan complains as I pull him back into the apprentice quarters. I fling him forward, making him fall onto a bed, and skip over to my bed to grab my staff leaning up against it.

"That was neat, don't you think? Meeting a Grey Warden. Even if he wouldn't show us his griffin." I say, holding a hand out to help Jowan up off the bed.

"I guess." He says. He takes my hand and I pull him up off the bed, then I go and sit at a near by table, Jowan joining me. "But what I found interesting is that he actually offered you a chance to join the Grey Wardens."

"Yeah, being a Grey Warden does sound exciting," I look down to the side, "but I don't think I have what it takes."

"Are you kidding? You're the most talented person in the tower." I smile. "You're smart, skilled, think fast on your feet." Each compliment makes my heart flutter more.

"I know Jowan. I don't mean that I lack the talent, intelligence, or even integrity to become one. I mean that I don't think I could leave you…or everyone else in the tower behind." I look into Jowans beautiful eyes. "Do you think you could leave everyone you love and care for behind?" Jowan lowers his head, looking down at the table where his hands are resting, slightly blushing.

"No, I don't think I could." He's thinking about her right now, I can tell. He's thinking about her and it hurts my heart so much. No, this is not the time to get sad. I just got to remember that he will be mine in a month or two. There's no way any girl could love and appreciate him like I do. She will break his heart and I'll be waiting to mend it. The mood has gotten too heavy lets lighten things up.

I smile and giggle. "Hey Jowan, guess what? It's the end of the month and you know what that means!" I cheerily say. He lets out an irritated sigh.

"Don't tell me, it's time to count up who won our monthly bet isn't it?"

"That's right!" I exclaim, giving him a thumbs up. He leans back in his chair, hanging his head back sighing some more.

"I don't even know why we have these monthly bets, you always seem to win." I hit him upside the head with my staff. He rubs his head.

"That's not true and you know it. You used to win every time when we first started it." I playfully pout.

"Yeah, back when you were ten years old and I was fifteen. I was better than you at the time and now you're better than me. At the time I thought it'd be a great way to get extra dessert for the whole next month." He smiles. "And now you're always winning, making me do embarrassing stuff like walk around with ink drawings on my face or that time you made me go running through the gardens in nothing but my small clothes."

I remember that one. He was soooo cute and good-looking. His face was so red and hot you could have cracked an egg and cooked it right on there. I was also blushing cuase I was watching him, admiring his form.

"Heh, that one was fun. Perhaps I'll have you do it again sometime." I see the horrified look on his face as he shakes his head and waves his hands in front of him frantically.

"No, no way am I doing that again. Last time I was punished and had kitchen duty for a month and had to do a thousand spells a day for two weeks." I cross my arms and pout again.

"Aw, you're no fun." He laughs and I join him.

"So, who won this month? I'm pretty sure it's you but lets hear the score anyway." He says, casually leaning back.

"Let's see, we had a total of fifty-three mock arguments, competitions, and mini bets."

"Only fifty-three? Huh, we usually have at least sixty. And how many times did I win?"

I rub my chin in thought. "Lets see, you won seven times, and I won forty-six."

"No surprise there." He sighs again. His sighs always sound so cute. "And what was the handicap you gave me this month?"

"Um, I believe it was forty. So that puts you at forty-seven and me at forty-six." Jowan raises his eyebrows in disbelief, almost falling out of his chair.

"Wait, you mean I actually won this time?" He asks. I giggle, reaching across the table hugging him.

"Yep. Congratulations Jowan, this is the first time you've won in six months!" I jump up and bow to him. "What will you have me do my lord?" I ask, pretending to be a servent.

"I…really don't know. I never gave it any thought cause I didn't expect to win." He starts rub his chin in thought. I hit him upside the head with my staff again. "Ow! That really hurts you know." He rubs the spot where I hit. I lightly glare at him, tapping my foot.

"Hurry up and think of something, I don't want to be late for my spirit healing lesson with Wynne." Jowan then begins blushing and looks away.

"Well, there is…something that I was going to ask you… as a favor." Oh ho! Something that he was going to ask of me is making him blush? My curiosity is peaked! Let's have some fun.

"Oh, something as a favor huh? Obviously something…embarrassing." I say, in a slightly seductive voice as I walk behind him and drape my arms around him. I then begin whispering in his ear. "So tell me, what is it you want me to do? Do you want me to get naked for you? Want me to dance for you while I take off my clothes in a slow and sexy manner?" I could see his face go deep, deep red with embarrassment. He jumps up, backing up waving his hands back and forth in front.

"M-maker no! Th-that would be completely inappropriate!" I can't help but giggle at how cute he looks when he's embarrassed. I lean forward, sticking my tongue out at him.

"Heh, gotcha." I sit back down, giggling as he tries to regain his composure, sitting down too. "So come on, tell me. What do you want me to do that's got you blushing?" I ask, leaning forward, my chin in my hands, elbows on the table.

"Well, you remember that girl I met I told you about?" Stab to my heart. No worries, I won't lose myself over the mention of the mystery girl. She will be the one who leads Jowan to me after all.

"Of course I do. In fact, I don't think I tease you enough about her." He gives a short nervous chuckle.

"Yes, well, the last time I saw her," my guess would be four days ago. Got up late that night to use the privy and saw he wasn't in bed. I had to pass by the room he uses for his blood magic practice and he wasn't in there so I assumed he was meeting this girl. "she tried to…kiss me." I saw this coming and knew they would most likely kiss, but that doesn't soften the impact it has to my heart.

"Ok, yeah, she kissed you. Big deal, people tend to do that kind of thing." I dismissively say. I don't mean to sound jealous or anything but whenever she comes up I always seem to, just a little bit. He starts fidgeting with his hands.

"I…didn't say we kissed. I said she tried to kiss me and I…turned away." Wait, you mean he didn't kiss her? I shrug, giving a condescending smile.

"So you don't want to kiss her, I don't see the problem. If you don't want to kiss her that just means you don't have feelings for her." See! I don't mean to sound like a bitch but I just can't help it.

"But that's just it, I do have feelings for her and I do want to kiss her." Of course he wants to kiss her. If you love somebody you just want to smother them in kisses like I want to do to him.

"I don't think I understand." I'm confused and it's showing on my face. He just told me that he wants to kiss this girl and that she made the move to kiss him but he declined her. If you want to kiss somebody and they are offering to kiss you back then kiss. Uhg I hate being confused! He swallows nervously.

"Well, you see, I want to kiss her but…I want to make sure I don't mess it up. I want to be good when do and as you know I have no experience with… that kind of thing." I tilt my head to the side. Where's he going with this?

"Well of course you have no experience with kissing, you've never kissed anyone before. The only way you're going to get experience is if you kiss someone." I know Jowan isn't the smartest guy around but he's no idiot. If he has not experience then why not just kiss this girl and gain the experience? What does it matter if the first time with someone is sloppy and awkward and a completely terrible experience? You've got to start somewhere.

"I know." He softly says uneasily. "And…that comes to…the favor I want to…ask you." My eyes open wide as I swallow nervously myself and could feel my face heat up. Is…is he really asking what I…think he is? He can't be serious…can he? I look away with mixed emotions. I'm happy, overjoyed that he wants to do this with me. But I'm also jealous, appalled even that he only wants to do it with me so that he will be better for this…girl. I swallow again as I fight back the tears that want to leak.

"If…that's what you really want then…alright."

"Look, Viv, if you really don't want to then you don't have to. I know it's a bit…strange having your best friend…ask you this." I shake my head and give him a weak smile.

"No, it's ok. You won this months bet after all so you have the right to ask me to do anything you want." I stand up and lightly tap Jowan on the head with my staff. "Meet me here tomorrow. I have a room reserved for personal magic training so we can use that for your…training." I was going to practice my blood magic then but this is more important. He gets up and embraces me in a hug. I warmly return it, my tears breaking free.

"Thank you Viv. This means so much to me. You're a true friend." I smile, with more tears running down. At least I get to take his first kiss, and he gets to be mine. I laugh lightly at this thought. I quickly wipe my tears away as he releases me.

"What's so funny?" He asks.

"Well this is going to be your first kiss right?" He nods his head. I smile. "It's also going to be mine. Don't you find that funny? Best friends sharing a first kiss to better prepare themselves for the future." Jowan begins blushing again and I start giggling again.

"When you put it like that it just sounds embarrassing." I hug him again and start to skip out into the hall.

"I'm late for my lesson with Wynne so I'll see you tomorrow." I merrily say as I wave goodbye to him. I'm skipping down the hall, humming to myself because of my sudden realization. This is perfect, absolutely perfect. Jowan and me get to share our first kiss together and when we do he'll feel a spark between us. Afterwards, when he goes and kisses this girl he won't feel the same spark. It will puzzle him and cause him strife as he tries to sort out his feelings. I can see it now.

"_Vivian, can we talk?" He'll ask me. We'll be alone in the apprentice quarters._

"_Of course Jowan, I always have time to talk with you. What's on your mind?" I'll respond, setting my book aside, him sitting next to me on my bed._

"_I'm not quite sure how to say this, or even if I mean it." He'll say nervously, slightly blushing. My interest will be peaked._

"_What is it Jowan? You know you can tell me anything." I'll say, putting my arm around him comfortingly. He'll fidget with his hands before turning to look into my deep blue eyes._

"_Before I say this, before I commit to myself to those words, can I ask you to do something for me?" He'll take my hands into his, holding them pleadingly. My heartbeat will start to quicken as I stare back into his eyes._

"_Of course Jowan, I'd do anything for you." He'll swallow nervously, trying to keep his courage from faltering._

"_Kiss me." He'll plead, nay, demand, fire in his eyes. I'll be taken aback and blush, turning away from him._

"_Why do you want to kiss me again? You didn't have enough practice to satisfy that girl of yours?" I'll reply with my jealous response, a few tears squeezing free. He'll gently grab my chin, turning my face to look at him._

"_No, this isn't about her, this is about you and me. I want you…no, I need you to kiss me. I need to see, to feel if there's something there. These emotions I have are making me insane, not knowing whether or not I'm right about what they are." He'll squeeze his eyes shut, tears leaking from them. "Please." He'll beg. I'll gently hug him, whispering in his ear with my hot breath._

"_Ok." I'll say. I'll take his face in my hands and kiss him, lightly at first then deeper. After several moments I'll part from him and look into his eyes. "Well, do you have your answer?" He'll surprise me, grabbing me and pulling me into another kiss, more passionate and aggressive then the previous one. I'll submit, him pushing me down, laying on top of me, my arms wrapping around his neck. Our lips will part, both of us breathing heavy._

"_Yes." He'll say, before giving me another quick kiss. "I do. And I love you." I'll smile, filled up with so much happiness and joy, joyful tears streaming down my cheeks. I'll pull him down into another kiss._

"_I love you too Jowan. I've loved you for so long." I'll say, trying to blink away my tears of joy._

"_So have I, only I never realized it until that day you helped me…train." I'll giggle and smile devilishly._

"_Well, what do you say we do some more 'training'? Hmm?" He'll then smile with his own mischievous smile._

"_Certainly."_

Yes! There is no other way that this can turn out. I know I've already said that before but this time I mean it. This is how things with turn out. It'll take Jowan about a month or two to sort his feelings and come to me and when he does, things will be as they should, with both of us in each other's arms.


	3. Training

I'm laying in the meadow out by the gardens, staring up at the sky. True to my word I dragged Katherine and Brandon out here so that they would share a romantic picnic together. At first it was quiet and they were both as red as the roses in the garden. But then the tension started to ease up some, they started to chat, and before they knew it they were talking and laughing up a storm. A couple of the mages tending to the gardens gave them funny looks, or I guess they were giving me funny looks cause I was just sitting there, smiling blissfully as those two were getting along so well.

When they finished up their food and it was time for them to head to their lessons they started to blush again and said awkward goodbyes. But I grabbed them and told them that they were not allowed to leave until they kissed. Needless to say they were both even redder then when their date started. They conceded and Brandon nervously leaned in and gave her a quick peck on the lips before bolting out of there. Katherine thanked me for bringing them together and hugged me goodbye. Ooh, that cloud looks like a cute fluffy bunny! I'm going to name it Mr. Snuggles. I smile as I let out a yawn.

I could hardly get any sleep last night with how excited I was. I am still oh so excited and giddy because Jowan and me are going to kiss! After one year, one month, and one day of waiting, wanting, I am going to be able to feel Jowans sweet lips against mine! Granted he only asked me because he wants practice so he can be more skilled for that… girl he sneaks off to see at night. Just the thought of that girl makes it feel like someone just cast a crushing prison spell on my heart.

But no, it's ok, because today I'm the one who gets to share the experience of a first kiss with him. And I'm going to makes sure he will enjoy it; find it intoxicating, wanting more. I will most certainly produce the spark, the one that will light the flames of passion, of love, so that he will realize his love for me. When he kisses that girl he will feel nothing. It will bother him, so that in another month or two he will come to me.

I sit up and stretch as I let out another yawn, gazing out at lake Calenhad. It's about time for me to meet Jowan. I wonder what he's thinking right now, feeling right now. I bet he's nervous, embarrassed. He's probably having second thoughts, thinking that this is a horrible idea and that he should have never asked me in the first place. Well too bad, or more accurately, too good for him cause I intend to make him see this through.

I stand up, wiping off any dirt or grass that may have gotten on my robes, and head in, humming to myself. It's a good thing Wynne went with Mr. Grey Warden down south to fight those mean old Darkspawn other wise she would probably be scolding me for skipping my spirit healing lesson this morning to lounge around in the meadows. Too bad Mr. Grey Warden didn't find the recruit he was looking for.

Although while we were enjoying our supper last night Jowan, who was slightly red, no doubt thoughts of today on his mind, told me he heard that Mr. Grey Warden is heading on over to Highever after he and the mages reach Ostagar to look for a potential recruit or two. I don't know where that is but it sounds like a nice place. That's always been one thing I've never been good at: Geography. I have no sense of direction and I can never remember what is where on an unlabeled map except lake Calenhad. Anyways none of that really matters.

I approach the apprentice quarters, turning in with a big smile being as happy as can be. I can see Jowan sitting at our usual table. Ah Jowan, I love you so much. Today is another day in the series of events that will lead to you loving me. He stands up when he sees me standing in the doorway. I smile and walk over to him.

"Jowan!" I exclaim, giving him a big hug, feeling a bit nervous.

"Viv-Vivian." He stutters, obviously a lot more nervous than I am. I release him from the hug.

"Soooo, you ready for your training?" I ask in a slightly teasing tone just to embarrass him so he'll blush more.

"Ye-yeah, I guess." He says, swallowing nervously.

"Great! Let's get to it shall we?" I grab his hand and start dragging him down the hall with me, him complaining about us going to fast. I pull him into the training room I reserved, which just so happens to be the one Jowan practices his blood magic in, and close the door behind us. We stand there, in an awkward silence, and I begin to get more nervous, feeling a blush coming onto my cheeks and my heart speeding up. Jowan was already blushing and was fidgeting with his hands.

"So…" He begins, "how should we, you know, start?" I sit down on the floor, leaning against the wall, motioning for him to join me.

"Well this morning, while I was making sure Brandon and Katherine enjoyed their date, I spent some time… thinking about it." I've been thinking about all the ways, the times, the places I want to kiss Jowan for so long I had to clear my mind and start at the beginning. "I believe we should start with simple lip on lip contact and I'll direct you from there." The blush on my face becomes more visible as I gaze down at my lap.

"Um, o-ok, so who should…lean in first?" Jowan asks, his nerves clear in his voice. I swallow down the nervous lump in my throat. This is it; this is the time I get to kiss Jowan. I've wanted to do this for so long, aching for the feel of his lips against mine and now I can. But I feel so nervous, so anxious, so…afraid. What if I can't control myself? What if, in the moments of passion, I let those three words slip loose? If…if that happens, then things will be ruined. Wait, I've got it, I know how to avoid trouble if I do say those words.

"Jowan…before we actually begin I want to tell you that, while we are kissing there will be…moments that I will say things, such as complimenting you by saying how handsome you are or how beautiful your eyes are and I will even say how much I love you." I begin blushing even more. Luckily I could see, out of the corner of my eye, that Jowan was looking away with his own embarrassment. "All for the sake of making the training experience more…realistic as to how it will be when you and…her kiss."

"Is…is all that really necessary? I mean can't we just kiss silently or something?" I could feel him shifting his weight next to me.

"Yes, it is." I say, standing up and taking two steps forward, placing my hands behind my back, taking a deep and calming breath. "You asked me to train you so that's what I intend on doing, train you. With everything I know about this, from books I've read to the couples I've watched when they thought no one was watching and even my own fantasies with the unrealistic male icon," Yes, I used to have fantasies with an imaginary man to fill the male role. However, after my love for Jowan blossomed I replaced that man with him and all of my fantasies became much more satisfying.

"The two involved always vocalize their love for each other, tell each other how beautiful or handsome they are, complimenting various other traits such as personality, softness of their lips, how delicious they taste, ect, ect." I turn to look down at Jowan, who was still sitting, looking off to the side, face redder than the blood we use to practice our forbidden magic. "And in order for this training to be most effective I expect you to do the same, telling me how beautiful I am, how intelligent I am, and how much you love me."

I see his eyes go wide as he snaps his head to me, mouth agape, quickly standing. "Are-are you insane? Do you really expect me to say such…things to you?" I need him to agree to say those things so he'll realize that he loves me faster, that he means it when he says it. I put a feigned look of hurt on.

"Are…are you saying that I'm not pretty? That I'm not smart?" I quiver my upper lip for effect. I see him ease up some, his face soften.

"N-no, I didn't mean that. You are very beautiful and the smartest person I know. It's just that…" He turns his face away, looking at the chest in the corner. I give a soft smile and rest my hand on his shoulder. He only thinks he loves that other girl, but he will soon realize that he really does love me. But for now I need him to feel comfortable with saying he loves me if he can't say it as meaning in love.

"Jowan, I'm your best friend right?" He looks back at me, into my eyes.

"Yes, the best friend I've ever had." He nods.

"And you are my best friend, which is why I am the one you asked to do this for you." I give his shoulder a comforting squeeze. "As friends we share a bond together. We are there for each if a problem should arise. We do things that normally people wouldn't do, such as instruct the other in the art of kissing." I can't help but chuckle a little and he does too. "We care for each other and it's only natural that you would love your friend. If you didn't love your friend then that friendship would not last very long." He sighs and I could see a lot of the stress he was feeling leave him. He smiles at me, pulling me into a hug.

"You're right. I do love you, because you are my best friend." My heart flutters as the words 'I do love you' grace my ears. It may not be the same type of love I have for him, but it will suffice for now. He releases me, still smiling. "And if it will really help with the…training then I suppose I can say it." I smile back at him, lightly putting my hand on his cheek.

"Then lets get started shall we?" I lean up, our lips making contact, a delicious euphoria washing all throughout my body. He stands there, doing nothing, and I part my lips slightly, lightly licking his lower lip. I pull back, seeing him blushing once again.

"Well, that was…interesting." He says with a nervous cough. I cross my arms and furrow my brow.

"I wouldn't know, I did all the work, you didn't do a thing." I scold.

"It-it's not my fault. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. You surprised me there." He nervously says. I push him back, my foot behind his causing him to trip and fall on the ground. "Hey, what was that for?" He asks, trying to sit up. I sit down on top of him, pushing him back down.

"You're too tall. We have this room for the rest of the day and if I have to reach up every time my neck is going to be sore." I lay down on top of him, my chest pressing up against his, the thoughts of so many fantasies flashing through my mind. My face is just inches away from his, both of us blushing. He turns his away.

"You could have just asked." He sourly says. I just giggle.

"But this was much more fun." I sit up, turning his face back to me. "Now, I'm going to kiss you again and this time I want you to kiss back. Use your lips, part them slightly, and suck a little on your partners lips, like this." I lean back down and kiss him again, parting my lips and lightly sucking on his bottom lip, my right hand running through his hair. He lets out a small moan and I can't help but shiver at knowing he's loving it. I sit back up, smugly smiling. "It felt good didn't it?"

"Yes. Where did you learn such a thing?" He asks.

"Let's just say I've done a lot of research and if something as simple as that is getting you excited just wait for what else I have planed. Now it's your turn. You are to kiss me and do the same thing and suckle my bottom lip. And while you are doing that you are going to need to use your hands as well." He looks up at me puzzled.

"My hands? What will I need to do with my hands?" He asks, looking at his hands. I can't help but giggle. I didn't know Jowan was this clueless.

"Well for one," I start, grabbing his hands, "you are going to need to wrap them around my waist." I put his hands around my waist. "When kissing you will instinctively pull your partner closer, wanting to feel the warmth of their body on your own. You should also use one hand to run through their hair, like I did with you. Stroking their hair is also good as with stroking their back or caressing their face. And if you are feeling… audacious you may want to reach down" I start to lower his hands "and grasp your partners hindquarters." I place his hands right on my butt and cause his eyes to go wide and him to retract his hands back fast.

"Th-that is highly inappropriate!" He exclaims, blushing with embarrassment. I laugh. He is just so cute when he's embarrassed.

"Your right, I'm sorry, I just couldn't help myself. It's just so fun to tease you." I say with a wide grin. "But when you get further into a relationship the ass grabbing can be an essential part of foreplay."

"Vivian!" He exclaims again, causing me to laugh even more.

"Ok, ok. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. But all the other hand gestures are important for an enjoyable kissing session." I lean back down, wrapping his arms around my waist, lightly kissing him. "Now it's your turn." I whisper with hot breath. "Kiss me like I kissed you, and don't be afraid to try something if you get an idea." He swallows nervously.

"O-ok. H-here I go." He stutters. I giggle a little. He brings his lips to mine, timidly kissing. His hand lightly strokes my back, sending shivers through my spine. I run my hand through his hair and I feel his lips part slightly and he starts to suck on my bottom lip softly. It feels so good, better than I ever imagined, I have to suppress a moan wanting to escape from my throat as my body fills with ecstasy. After a few seconds of bliss our lips part.

"Um, s-so, how was it?" He asks nervously. I can't help but smile as I sit up. It was absolutely wonderful! And to think, we're only getting started.

"It was good," which is a blatant understatement "but you really shouldn't be so timid and nervous. Remember, this is both of our first times with this." He chuckles a little.

"R-right, I forgot. You're just so… knowledgeable about this that it seems hard to believe that you've never…kissed before."

"Well, as you said, I am the smartest person you know." I smugly say.

"That sure is the truth." He smiles.

"Well, you've complimented me, it's only fair that I return the favor." I tap my chin, looking up in feigned thought. There are so many things I could say. But I should stick with something simple. "I love your sense of humor. You're the funniest man I know."

"I'm only funny because you always leave me the openings to be funny."

"Oh?" I ask, tilting my head.

"Yeah, you're always leading me on, saying something so I can be funny. If anything you're funnier than me." I give Jowan a teeth-baring grin.

"Looks like you're in the lead for this month. Let's try and tie it up shall we?" I ask with a sly smile. I lay back down on Jowan, whispering in his ear. "I bet you I can make you moan in only twenty seconds." I hear him swallow nervously.

"I'll make you moan first." He whispers back, his breath hot on my ear. Just his breath is enough to make me feel weak.

"Aren't we the confident one for a first timer?" I say, my lips barely apart from his.

"You're one to talk, amat-" I cut him off by pressing my lips against his. My hand in his hair I make quick work and suck in his bottom lip. I feel him wrap his arms around me and mimic my movements, running his hand through my hair and sucking in my top lip. Only five seconds in and I'm fighting the urge already. Time to take it up a notch. I begin to caress the inside of his lip and his gums with my tongue and his grip around me tightens, pressing me even more against him. He's fighting his moan, I can tell.

Suddenly he does the same, sending his tongue to caress my inner lip and gums. Waves of pleasure run through my body. Fifteen seconds, let's go all out. I release his lip and send my tongue into his mouth at full force, stroking his tongue and wrapping it around his. Maker, he tastes absolutely delightful! I almost let out a moan when I hear a throaty moan come from him and I smirk, parting from him, sitting up, and licking my lips. My own move almost made me lose, and I would have been more than happy.

"That's one point for me my handsome love." I almost instinctively cover my mouth for saying that but then I remember I told him I'd say things such as that for realism for the training. Thank the Maker for thinking ahead.

"Y-you cheated." He says, with slightly labored breath, his face red. I bet my face is just as red as his.

"Oh?" I humorously say. "It's not my fault you tasted so good I just had to get more of you."

"You didn't tell me you could use your tongue like that." He grumbles, crossing his arms. I part his arms, laying back down, whispering in his ear.

"I also didn't tell you about this." I begin softly sucking on his neck, lightly licking the skin. He gasps and let's out a long moan of pleasure. "I love you." I whisper, before returning to my suckling. He just moans more, his arms weakly trying to push me off. I grab his hands and hold them to the floor above his head.

"V-Vivian p-please s-s-stop." He stutters out with his moans. I move along to the front of his throat, making him gasp again and moan even louder. I feel something at my waist through our robes. I smirk, not letting up on my suckling. It seems he's really enjoying himself.

"Say the three words and I will." I say and start up again. I can feel his throat vibrate with his moans. He squirms underneath me and I can feel his… length against my inner thigh. Maker! I'm on fire with the mix of his moans of pleasure and the feel of him through our robes.

"I…I love…you…" He manages to say out in between moans. I release his neck from my lips and kiss him, slipping my tongue into his mouth, dancing with his tongue, releasing a moan of my own as he moans again. I release his hands and his lips, sitting back up with the most self satisfied smile I've ever had. Jowan just lies there breathing heavily, face redder than before. This is so wonderful! Hearing his moans of pleasure and knowing I'm causing them is making me feel so amazing!

"I see you're enjoying yourself." I say, loving every moment of this.

"What…in Andrastes name…was that?" He heaves out, trying to catch his breath.

"That, my cute kissing partner, was part of the fun kissing entails."

"How is that…part of kissing? And why…did you make me…say I love you…before you stopped?" He asks, still catching his breath. Why, because it makes my heart soar to hear you say those words to me.

"Hmm, well all the couples I've seen here in the tower do that when enjoying a kissing session, along with what I've read in books. Although with the books doing that tends to lead to more… erotic situations." I see him blush even more from hearing that. "As to why I made you say you love me before I stopped, all part of the training. If that girl of yours was doing the same thing you'd be saying what I made you say."

"I…guess you're right." He admits. Jowan feels awfully…hard underneath me. I think now would be a good time for a break.

"Well, judging from how your crotch feels through your robes, I say it's time for a short break." I smirk at seeing his eyes go wide, becoming even more embarrassed. I get off of him and go over to the chest in the corner, opening it and pulling out a water skin.

"Y-you could feel that?" He asks, sitting up and leaning against the wall, folding his hands on his lap, trying to hide the obvious bulge. I take a drink from the water skin, sitting down next to him, offering him it. He takes it, taking a drink himself.

"Of course I could. In fact I knew it would happen. Such a young, handsome man as you getting so close and intimate with such a lovely young woman as me, it's only natural. I'd be worried if you didn't have that reaction."

"My…reaction aside, why does it seems like I'm just laying there while you attack me?" He asks, handing back the water skin. Because I love you more than I could ever say in words and this is my only chance to kiss you and please you until you realize your love for me.

"It's part of the training. You are too nervous and timid right now. You need to be more confident and assertive. The best way to do that is if I'm pleasuring you with my magical lips." I lick my lips suggestively, getting the cute, embarrassed reaction I wanted from him. "While I'm doing that you need to take matters in your own hands." I take a drink of the water and hand it back to him.

"It's kind of hard," I stifle a giggle, making him blush even more." I mean it's difficult to be… assertive when my body is weak from the…enjoyable sensations." He takes a big drink of the water, draining half of it.

"Well, I guess we'll have to change that now won't we. How about you lay on top of me this time? I'll lay there and let you…have your way with me." He goes wide-eyed, spitting water out coughing. His reactions to lewd humor are always so adorable.

"Was it really necessary to say it like that?!" He asks, his face going red again. I grab the back of his head and pull him in for a quick kiss.

"Yes, now let's see if you've learned anything yet." I flip him so that he is sitting on my, my back up against the wall.

"Vivian, give me a little warning before throwing me about."

"Ah, ah, ah. No names, my love. We're back into training. That means you must call me darling, sweetie, beautiful or your love. You must use each at least once so I'll be keeping count. If you don't not only will I get a point but I will go back on top and…punish you." I can see the mixture of excitement and worry in his eyes.

"Ok…darling." He says.

"That doesn't count cause you haven't started kissing me yet." I say with a smirk. I push against the wall, sliding us both foreword so I can lie down all the way. "You've also got two minutes to make me moan with pleasure, if you don't you'll be getting five minutes of punishment. Don't disappoint." This is so exciting! Jowan, my Jowan is going to be kissing me with full force, trying to make me moan with pleasure, filling me with sweet, wonderful euphoria. I wrap my legs around his waist and my arms around his neck. I could feel that Jowan was still…excited. I was starting to get a little excited there myself.

"Wh-what are you doing?" He asks in surprise.

"Making sure I'm in position to flip you should you fail." I grin. "Now let's see what you've learned." I lean up and press my lips to his, pulling his head down as I rest mine on the floor. He starts off with sucking on my lip, his left hand caressing my face while his right strokes my shoulder length brunette hair, slightly brushing against my pointy ear, sending shivers through my body. Aw, I forgot to tell him about the ears as pleasure sensors. This feels amazing, but it'll be a lot more fun, and pleasurable, if I'm kissing him back.

I pull him down against me, pressing my chest against his. I slide my tongue into his mouth, wrapping around his tongue, dancing with it. He lets out a moan that sings to me, commanding me to moan with the pleasure I'm feeling, but I fight it back. He begins to fight back with his tongue, dancing and dodging around mine, embracing it. It feels so magnificent, so stupendous, the pleasure, the euphoria, the love. I still my tongue so he can take control and command my tongue as he wishes. Right as I'm about to let a moan out he exits my mouth.

"My sweet, darling, beautiful love, I will make you moan." He whispers and traverses to my neck, relinquishing a gasp from me. He cheated, calling me all four at once but I don't care because I feel so much pleasure. I hold him tighter, closer, fighting the screaming need to vocalize my pleasure. How much time left? A minute? Maker, I gave him too much time. He slowly moves up along my throat and as he reaches the front I can feel his teeth lightly graze along it, releasing my restraint.

"S-sweet Andraste!" I moan out, followed by several more audible moans that may or may not have included the words 'I love you'. I am so glad I told him that I would say such things as a means to make things more realistic. Even though I've lost and moaned, and the two minutes passed he kept at it. I was breathless and weak from ecstasy but I managed to roll us over with me on top and move his lips from my neck back to my mouth. I shoot my tongue back in and wrestle with his, both of us moaning with pleasure. I am so glad I set up that sound proofing spell first thing this morning, otherwise a templar or passing mage would interrupt. I found that spell in a book I stole from Irving's office.

I part our lips briefly to say "I love you" and I move down to his neck, suckling and pleasing. I have such a burning desire, an uncontrollable need to have him. Not just kiss him but also to feel him, all of him, have him inside me. I've had similar desires before but never this powerful, it's as if something has intensified it. I start to pull his robe sleeves down, pulling his arms free from them, with him helping. I start to kiss down his chest and I pull my own arms out of my sleeves, letting my robes fall down to my waist revealing my bra-clad breasts. He grasps my chin, pulling me up to mash our lips together, our tongues clashing.

"I love you." He softly moans, staring into my eyes. His eyes look…different. It's like he is seeing me and yet not seeing me. He moves down to my neck, making me forget about his eyes. My heart is beating so fast from such elation. When he said those words I could hear the affection in them. He wasn't just saying those words he actually meant them. He loves me. He truly loves me. He's felt it, the spark of love, and it's erupted into a mighty fire! There's no more room for thought, just instinct and delightful ecstasy.

"I love you too." I sweetly moan, my fingers clutching his hair. His kisses trail down my neck to the crevasse of my breasts. He lifts my bra up and over my head, throwing it aside as he takes one of my breasts in his hand, sucking on the others nipple. Lightning surges through my body and the feeling is so intense. He flicks my nipple with his tongue, rolling it in his teeth and all I can do is arch against him, moaning with pleasure, only words able to form being I love you. He switches over to my other nipple, suckling on it, his tongue making circles around it.

His hands slide down along my sides, grasping the cloth of my robe, trying to pull down off of me. I help him free me from the constraining clothing, leaving me in only my small clothes. He starts kissing his way down my stomach and rolls us over, him on top. He kisses right above the cloth and starts rubbing me through it with his fingers. My hips start grinding against his fingers on their own, me so breathless with moans. He slides my small clothes off and intensifies the feeling tenfold with his tongue sliding along my opening. Sweet Andraste, I've never felt such exuberant sensations in my life!

I feel him slide his tongue inside, moving it around, increasing and intensifying the pressure, the pleasure. He then starts caressing that nub, that point of so much pleasurable sensations. He concentrates his mouth there as he slides his fingers in and out, pushing me to the edge, all coherent thought a distant fantasy.

"Oh…Maker!" My loud, passionate moans echo around the room. "I love you so much!" And with one last flick of his tongue my body floods with an indescribable pleasure as I have the most wonderful orgasm I've ever experienced. All others pale in comparison. He slides back up, kissing me deeply, his tongue embracing mine. My body weak from immeasurable happiness and pleasure I weakly kiss back, tears of joy streaming down my cheeks. "Jowan, I love you." I whisper to him.

He moans incoherently and all I hear is "…y I love you." That reinvigorates me and I flip us over, putting me back on top. I kiss his neck and make my way down his chest. I reach the robes around his waist and I pull them down along with his small clothes and carelessly toss them aside. I look at Jowan's erect form hungrily, taking it in my hand granting an exuberated gasp from him. I slowly move my hand back and forth, gliding my tongue along its length, Jowan shuddering from the touch. His taste excites me so I speed up my pace, brining the head into my mouth, sucking on it and twirling my tongue around it.

"M-maker!" He moans. He grips my hair, urging me to take him deeper. I comply, taking him farther in my mouth, sucking, my tongue dancing around his length, bobbing my head back and forth. His exasperated breathing and moans of pleasure sing to me, fueling me to go faster. "S-sweet Andraste…I'm…I'm coming!" I feel him twitching in my mouth and I take his full length in, letting him release his delicious, salty substance. He lets out a long and breathless moan. I free him from my mouth, the taste of his substance making me burn with desire. I swallow it, sliding myself back up his chest, kissing his neck.

"Jowan," I whisper, softly suckling on his neck, "I want you…I want you inside me. Please." He starts to open his mouth to say something but I stop him with a kiss, trapping his tongue around mine. He wraps his arms around me and I feel his form come back to life. We roll over one last time as he moves back down to my neck, his hands squeezing and caressing my breasts. I reach down to grab him and help guide him to my opening. He rubs up and down along my slickness and slowly pushes in. I relish the feeling of him sliding into me.

He's being so careful and delicate, pushing into me. He must know as I do that the first time can hurt if you're not careful. He really does love and care for me, being so gentle to minimize the pain. He reaches that point, the hymen if I remember correctly from my studies, and he slowly presses through, the pain shooting through me but being overpowered by the joy and pleasure I'm having because Jowan is inside me. I love him so much and this is the most intimate two people can be. I raise his head from my neck and kiss him to distract me from the sudden thrust of pain I'll soon be feeling.

He pushes all the way through, the pain of that layer breaking searing through me. I wrap arms and legs around him, holding him tight against me, keeping him still. We clash our tongues, keeping the pleasure rushing through me as I hold him, waiting to adjust to the feel of him inside me. It is so wonderful, so breathtaking, the feel of him inside me. I release his lips, and loosen my hold on him, rocking my hips some, letting him know he can start. He slowly slides in and out, sending shockwave after shockwave of pleasure through me.

"I love you, Jowan." I moan as he steadily quickens his pace.

"I love you, Lily." He moans back. For a split second I stop breathing, my eyes wide in shock, before I throw my head back with a moan as he suddenly speeds up. I shut my eyes tight, tears streaming down. Lily…who is Lily? Is that the name of that girl? Jowan starts kissing me again and I unconsciously kiss him back, his thrusts feeling better than anything I've ever experienced.

More tears start to flow. Her…he thinks I'm her. He's lost in a fantasy and he believes me to be her. That's why he actually meant it when he said he loved me. He thinks that I'm his girl…Lily. This isn't right, we shouldn't be doing this, but Maker it feels so good and my body won't respond. He grabs my breasts, squeezing and caressing and sucking more aggressive than before, more pleasurable than before.

"Lily…" He moans, "I love you." With him licking, squeezing, sucking my breasts and nipples, and his member thrusting, hitting deep inside me, it's more than I can take. He comes back up, sucking on my neck, moaning and I feel him release inside me, the last piece that sends me into releasing, pure bliss washing over me, drowning me, but the pain of knowing that Jowan was lost in fantasy of that girl…Lily ever evident. He lies on top of me for a few moments, exhausted and breathless, as am I. He rolls off of me, pulling out of me, and lies there, breathing heavily.

I roll over to my side, putting my arm across Jowans chest, his arm around my waist, resting my head on his shoulder crying. "I love you Jowan." I tiredly sob. He lightly squeezes me.

"I love you Lily." He says quietly before drifting off to sleep. I lay there next to him, holding him, crying, to tired to move. He really does love her. He loves this…this Lily. There's no way he'd ever love me. No…that's not true, it can't be. When we started he knew it was me he was with, was kissing. At what point did he go from me to her? And why did he suddenly start going further then he intended? What caused the unhindered lust? There's no way that simply kissing as we did would cut such restraint on sexual desire.

But wait, why would he desire me? If you're in love you have eyes for only that person. Unless he only thinks he loves this Lily when actually he's in love with me! That's it! I smile. That's the only explanation. He really does love me but hasn't fully realized it yet. But even so, Jowan wouldn't suddenly start being so foreword, and normally I would have stopped him but I was unable. My eyes start to feel heavy and I notice the water skin in the corner, with water spilled out and small green specks in it. What's that in the water? I let out a yawn, closing my eyes. I'll figure that out when I wake up. And I fall asleep, holding Jowan, a contented smile replacing my hurtful tears.

* * *

_A/N This was my first time ever writing a sex scene, and it took me forever before I was satisfied with it. I'd like to hear you're opinion on it, as well as what you think of my story so far. So please leave a review._


	4. The morning after

I stir lightly, slowly sitting up and rubbing my eyes. I let out a yawn as I stretch my arms out. "Wow, that was the most amazing dream I've ever had." I say smiling. I then notice that I'm not in my bed, but in a training room. "Huh, why am I here?" I look down at myself. "And why am I not wearing any clothes?" I look over to my side and see Jowan laying next to me, equally devoid of clothes. "Wait, you mean... it wasn't a dream?" My face lights up with a huge smile as I jump up and start dancing around the room naked, unable to contain my excitement. "Jowan and me slept together! Jowan and me slept together! Jowan and me slept together!" I slip on one of our discarded robes and almost fall over. I stop dancing and look down at Jowan with a love filled smile.

"I love you so much Jowan. And I'm so happy that we're finally together." I feel a tear roll down my cheek. A tear? Why am I crying? It must be a tear of joy. That's it! There can't be any other reason. I feel more tears fall down my cheeks. I wipe them away and shake my head. They're tears of joy, I know they are. So why do they feel so...painful? My smile disintegrates as more tears start streaming down. I wipe away at them. Cursed tears, why do you hurt so much at such a joyful moment? The rest of the events of yesterday, beyond me and Jowan experiencing the most wonderful sensations possible, come to me. He...he said a name...Lily. Lily was the name he said in the moment of passion. I feel weakness in my legs as they threaten to give way with more tears streaming down. He...he only thinks he loves her. It's...It's nothing more that an illusion. I keep telling myself that but...do I believe it?

I fall to my knees and slap myself. Get a hold of yourself Vivian, of course it's true. He knew who he was with, was kissing yesterday before we started to... enjoy ourselves even further. I shiver and let out a sigh. I suppose I should get dressed, don't want to catch a cold. I go about gathering up my small-clothes and robe and putting them on. I look over at Jowans bare form, a shiver running down my spine at remembering the wonderful sensations of the previous night. It was so delightful. I've never experienced anything like it before. I feel myself staring at him, hungering for him to be inside me again. I pick up his robe and cover him with it, if only to keep myself from temptation.

I lean against the adjacent wall and slide down, sitting. My face betrays a rare expression of deep thought that is usually hidden by a smile when I am thinking. He knew it was me who he was kissing, so why...why did he think it was this 'Lily' girl he was sleeping with? It makes no sense. On top of that, why did we both lose our inhibitions and sexual restraint? I sit there and mull it over a bit. Could it be that our love for each other was so intense that self control was nonexistent? But that doesn't explain the fact that he was lost in a fantasy with this Lily girl. Something clicks in my mind. Wait a second, the water! There was something green in the water.

I spot the water-skin in the corner and I quickly grab it and return to where I was sitting. I saw green specs in the water last night before drifting to sleep. I hold the water-skin upside down and shake it. Something green pokes out of the opening. Aha! Culprit found. I pull the green thing out to reveal a leaf. What is a leaf doing inside a water-skin? I examine it closely. It has six rounded points with easily defined veins, no bigger than my thumb. One side of it is rough and darker than the other side, which is smooth and light in color. And it's about as thick as a piece of parchment. I let out an agitated sigh and lean my head against the wall. I was afraid of this. It's an aphrodisiac, a very rare and potent one at that.

I hold the stem of the leaf, twirling it between my thumb and index finger. Now how is it that such a powerful aphrodisiac came to be in that water-skin? I look over at Jowan, still asleep. At least this explains things. The increased desire, the heighten pleasure, the absence of restraint, and Jowans hallucination. He drank over half of the water. After ingesting a certain amount of this aphrodisiac it can cause hallucinations. I guess it's a good thing that only the leaf was inside the water-skin and not the flower. If the flower was used it is very likely that we would still be enjoying such wonderful and delightful sensations, possibly continuing for upwards of a week straight. Death by exhaustion is a very likely outcome with that. Whoever put this in here must have known that.

I look over at Jowan sleeping so peacefully. I wonder, should I tell him? Should I let him know that the reason we lost out inhibitions was simply because of a plant? I could just burn the leaf and tell him that he lusted after me with wild eyes, confessing his undying love for me, forcing me to join him in the exuberant experience that is sex with one you love. I twirl the leaf in my fingers. It would be so easy to do so... and Jowan wouldn't question it for a moment if he heard it from me... but it'd be wrong. Lying to Jowan like that wouldn't be right. I love and care about him too much. Tricking him just so he'll realize his love for me faster isn't how I should go about this. I sit there quietly, spinning the leaf between my fingers. I sigh.

I guess I should wake him up. I crawl over to him and kneel beside him. I look down at his handsome, magnificent face. His delicious and intoxicating lips. I start to lean down towards him. I'm only inches away from his lips before I catch myself and stop. Waking him with a kiss? What am I thinking? I sit back up and shake my head. This is no time to be fulfilling fantasies. My second biggest one was fulfilled last night. I just need to lightly shake him awake and explain why it is we had sex. I take a deep breath. I hope he doesn't freak out. I grasp his shoulders and lightly shake him. "Jowan. Jowan wake up." I say. His face scrunches up and he grunts as his eyes open.

"Huh? Wha?" He mumbles, sitting up and rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. "Where am I?" He yawns. He looks around the room. "A training room? How did I get here?" He looks down at himself and starts to blush. "And w-why am I naked?" He pulls his robes over himself even more.

"Jowan, don't you remember what happened last night?" I softly ask. He looks at me.

"Vivian? What are you doing here?" He covers himself with his robe even more. I can't help but lightly smile.

"Do you remember what happened last night?" I ask again.

"Um Vivian? Do you think that maybe... I could get dressed first?" He nervously coughs, blushing. He is so cute when he blushes. It makes me want to just tackle him and go another round with him. But no, I must suppress my urges. I stand and go grab his small-clothes, tossing them to.

"Alright, get dressed." He just sits there, fidgeting. "Aren't you going to get dressed?"

"Uh, d-do you think th-that you could... turn around first?" He asks. We were as intimate as two people could get last night and he's embarrassed for me to see him get dressed? I suppose he hasn't remembered that fact yet so I guess it's understandable. Normally I'd tease him about this but considering the circumstances I don't think that would be prudent. I turn around, my back to him, and I hear him stand. I fight the urge to turn my head and watch him, hoping for a glimpse of his magnificent manhood. "Ok, I'm done." I turn and he's standing their, dressed in his robes. He looked so much better with them off. No. Bad Vivian. This is not the time for that. I walk over to him and sit down, patting the floor next to me in invitation to him, which he accepts. "Now do you think you could tell me what's going on here?"

"You... really don't remember?" I guess it's possible by ingesting the amount of the aphrodisiac that he did it could cause temporary, short term memory loss. He shakes his head. I was hoping he'd remember for himself, but it would seem I need to help it along. I'm not entirely sure if it's a good thing or bad that he doesn't remember. If he doesn't remember than he never knows we slept together, so he won't blush so hard he gets a nose bleed every time he looks at me. That last one might actually be one I'd like him to have. But good or bad he deserves to know of the wondrous, passionate night we had. "Well, what's the last thing you do remember?"

"The last thing I remember... Hmm." He holds his chin in thought, tapping his finger. He's so handsome and looks so mature when he's in his thoughts like that. But I prefer it when he's looking cute when he blushes. Looking so handsome and mature just rouses my desires even more. I need to stop letting my thoughts wander to those delightful sensations of last night... at least for now. "I remember coming into this training room with you because..." He starts to get his adorable blush again. "...you were going t-to help me... become a better... kisser." His face is cherry red. If he's this embarrassed about simply kissing I wonder how he'll react when he remembers us have sex.

"Mm, yes, that was fun wasn't it." I smile, maybe just a little too perversely cause I could see him blush even more. "You were quite good if I do say so myself." Beyond good even. He nervously coughs.

"Um, th-thanks." He looks away. My smile dies down. Here comes the part that I'm not sure how he'll react. The most likely scenario is he'll fall madly in love with me and will want to make love again right here and now. But there is a chance that he'll want to avoid me like the plague, despise me even, thinking I had this planned out since the beginning.

"But... do you remember what happened... after that?" I ask him.

"I... remember you made me lay on top of you and told me to... make you moan or you'd r-roll us over and... punish me..." That was right after we had drank the aphrodisiac filled water, when things went from wonderful to pure bliss.

"Is that all you remember?" I don't know if I want him to remember or not. Despite my eternal optimism, I believe things could take a horrible turn here, even though that is a very slim chance.

"I do remember having a... ahem... personal dream." A dream? So he thinks his hallucination, and the having sex with me, was a dream. Looks like I'll have to burst his bubble.

"Let me guess, you dreamed that you had sex with Lily." I say, in a jealous, bitchy manner. Augh, I always sound that way whenever she's brought up. His mouth hangs open and his eyes go wide, his face blushing redder.

"H-H-how did you kn-know?" I take a deep breath and let it out. Time to let my love know of the love we shared last night.

"Because... it wasn't a dream... at least not entirely." I look away from him, hiding my pained expression from him.

"What do you mean? What are you talking about?" I put a light smile on, blushing, and look back up to him.

"Last night, it was you and me... who had sex." His eyes go wide again, his mouth just hanging there. If his face wasn't already blushing at the darkest shade of red there is he'd be blushing even more. He looks so adorable! I just want to wrap my arms around him, kiss him deeply, and beg him to sleep with me again. No. I must fight the desire. And... desire fought off. Hooray! Now, back to the matter at hand. Jowan was still sitting there, mouth agape, dumbfounded. I snap my fingers in front of his face. "Jowan, you in there?" I tease. No! I must not tease either! This is a delicate situation. He blinks several times, shaking his head, swallowing nervously.

"Did... did I hear... you and I... last night... here?" He's so embarrassed he can't complete his sentences.

"Yes. You and I had sex, last night, in this room." I reiterate. If he weren't sitting down already I'm certain his legs would have given way.

"Makers breath." He exasperates, wiping his face with his hand. He stares off ahead of himself, at the wall. Silence permeates the room. I stare down at the leaf in my hand, twirling it in my fingers. Please say something Jowan. The silence is killing me.

"Jowan?" I break the silence, looking over at his stunned, handsome face.

"How... why... wha... what would... why would we... I don't even remember... what do I tell Lily..." Stabbing right to my heart. Tears almost start to fall. He's worried what he's going to tell that... that girl? What about why we had sex? Isn't he even curious as to that?

"Jowan..." I solemnly say. "Aren't you wondering why we had sex in the first place?" I look up at him as he looks down at me.

"Y-yes, of course. Do you know why?" Here is the turning point, the pinnacle moment. Do I tell him the truth, that an aphrodisiac caused us to lose all inhibitions and substantially increase our desire, or do I lie and tell him that he confessed his love to me, forcing me to be with him, making me realize my love for him as well? No, I already decided I'm not going to lie to Jowan... But he'd believe such an explanation without a second doubt if I'm the one who told it to him. No, no, no, no, NO! I will not lie to Jowan. I hold the leaf up to him, before I can decide to deceive him.

"You see this leaf?" He nods. "It was in the water. It's a very powerful aphrodisiac." He takes the leaf and looks at it himself.

"What's an aphrodisiac?"

"It heightens desire and pleasure. And that particular one there heightens it so much that you lose all restraint. It was in the water-skin. And because of the amount of water you drank one of it's side effects kicked in: hallucinations."

"So... is that why I dreamed that me and Lily...?" He swallows.

"Yes."

"A-and e-everything th-that I dreamed me a-and Lily did together...?" He starts to blush again. I blush a little myself.

"It's possible that you dreamed doing more than what we actually did but most likely, yes." His eyes are wide again, his mouth once again hanging open for flies to go in, blushing his cute blush yet again, staring off at the wall.

"Makers breath." He exasperates again. Silence fills the room again. Please Jowan, please realize your love for me now so I don't have to wait for it. You love me, I know you do, but that demon from the fade has you confused... ARG! No Vivian, no. You are better than that. You don't need to be bad mouthing that girl for confusing your Jowan, no matter how well the description fits. NO! Stop it! Stop being so jealous and bitchy. You don't be mean or think negatively of others. Just be patient. Whether it's now or a month from now Jowan will realize and accept his love for you. It is inevitable.

"What happens now?" I ask, if for nothing else than to disperse this insipid silence. He seems a bit startled by the sudden ridding of silence.

"W-what do you mean?"

"What... do we do now? What happens... happens between us?"

"I... I don't understand."

"I mean what happens between us now? We've... had sex, been as close and intimate as two people can be. I know how I picture things but... what about you?" I look at him pleadingly. "Whenever you look at me you won't be able to help but think of last night, picturing you and me together. You'll keep getting so embarrassed, blushing so hard that you won't be able to talk with me. How do we keep things together?" Tears start to brim my eyes. I don't know whats come over me but I want to know where he stands. Jowan surprises me by embracing me in a hug, squeezing me tightly.

"Vivian." He softly whispers, stroking my hair. "You are my best friend. It doesn't matter that we've been intimate. If anything it just strengthens our relationship. We don't try to forget it, we embrace it, a testament to our friendship." He releases me, holding me by the shoulders, smiling. "Nothing could ever ruin our friendship. Besides, this is just one more thing you can use to tease me with." I smile back and he wipes a tear going down my cheek. My smile fades.

"But... what about Lily? What are you going to tell her?" He releases me and his smile fades, sitting back against the wall.

"I'm... not sure." He sighs. "I... guess I'll just have to tell her the truth, explain what happened and hope for the best." He is still under that delusion of loving her. He'll soon fall out of that delusion. It's my turn to surprise him with a hug.

"You'll always have my lo... me Jowan. Whe... If things go badly, I'll be here for you. I'll always be here for you." Waiting, watching, wanting. I can't imagine most other girls would be as understanding as I am. If Jowan slept with another girl I'd be devastated, but I'd be understanding and forgiving because I know he loves me and I love him. He returns my hug.

"I know. And I'm grateful for that." I release him from the hug and give him a sly smile.

"And if things go badly I now have the option of comforting you with sex." I giggle slightly seeing his eyes go wide, cheeks blushing.

"Vi-Vivian!" He exclaims. This is good. A light atmosphere has returned. Things were getting a little depressing there.

"You're right, I can tease you with it." I giggle. "But seriously, if you ever feel like sex I'd be more than willing to oblige." He blushes even deeper. "What? After experiencing last night you can't seriously tell me you'll be satisfied doing it yourself."

"I-I do n-not-" He starts.

"Jowan." I interrupt him, crossing my arms, giving him a knowing smile. "I've seen the rapid movement of your covers in the middle of the night on my way to the privy." I thought for sure his nose was about to trickle with blood. "If you ever feel overwhelmed let me know. There's a good chance that I'll be so as well."

"Al-alright! Can we please ch-change the subject!" He practically yells with embarrassment.

"Fine." I playfully pout. "I just want you to remember that I'm here if you need me, emotionally or physically."

"Vivian!" He exclaims, blushing even more. I giggle at his reaction.

"Ok, ok, I get it. I'll drop it... for now." I slyly smile. I stand, straightening out my robes, extending a hand down to him. "So, what do you say we get out of here and get yelled at by our mentors for being late for our lessons?" His blush fades and he takes my hand. I pull him up, a little to hard, and he runs into me, both of us tripping, him landing on top of me, his face only inches away from mine.

"You really need to watch your strength." He groans, smiling at me, still laying on top of me. I blush, a smirk spreading on my lips. "Uh, Vivian, why are you smiling like that?" He nervously asks.

"Oh I don't know. It might have something to do with the fact your hand is squeezing my breast." I start giving a toothy grin as his eyes go wide, looking down at his hand squeezing my breast. He quickly jumps up off of me, stumbling backwards into the wall.

"I-I'm terribly sorry." He frantically apologizes. I stand, acting as if nothing happened.

"Jowan, didn't I just tell you? If you want to have sex with me all you need to do is ask." He opens his mouth to respond but I interrupt him with giggling. "Don't worry Jowan, I know you didn't mean to. Now come on, we don't want to be any later than we already are." I head for the door, quickly removing the soundproofing spell. It wouldn't do if Jowan found the spell. He might think I was the one who placed the aphrodisiac in the water-skin. Speaking of which, I need to figure out who put it in there and why. I stop Jowan at the door. "Give me the aphrodisiac, I'm going to go check the logs and ask around about it, see if I can't figure out who put it in that water." He places it in my hand.

"But what about your lessons?" He asks. I smile confidently at him.

"I'm certain they'll understand. And if not, oh well." I shrug.

"Viv." He sighs, the cute nickname only he calls me. Makes me want to pull him in a hug and smother him in kisses. "Once you get something in your head there's no convincing you otherwise." He grins at me. "Just like the whole Griffin conspiracy." My smile turns into a toothy grin, accompanied by a light giggle.

"You know it." Just like how I'm working to get you to realize your undying love for me as soon as possible. I give him a hug, giving him a kiss on the cheek. "Now don't forget about my offer." I seductively say. He blushes his cute blush.

"I-I'll be going to my lessons now." He quickly leaves the room and make his way down the hall.

"Jowan." I call out to him. He stops and turns to me. "Your lessons are the other way." I cross my arms, smirking.

"Er, yes. That's right." He nervously chuckles, heading in the proper direction. I cross my arms, smiling, shaking my head. All nervous and flustered because we've been intimate. Proof that he's in love with me, even if he doesn't know it yet. I leisurely stroll in the other direction, holding my hands behind my back, blissfully smiling. It's still hard to believe, but me and Jowan actually had sex. I hold the leaf up, looking at it, twirling it. Granted we only did so because of this plant. It doesn't change the fact that it was amazing. If Jowan takes to long to come around I may have to goad him into going again, maybe using our monthly bet to get him to agree. I'm certain being intimate with me with a clear mind will make him realize his love for me.

But that's something to ponder some other time. Right now I need to go see the quartermaster and ask if anyone checked out this herb. I make my way down the halls, into the circular room where the quartermaster has the supplies. I see Owain setting a broom along the wall, obviously just having finished sweeping.

"Wain-O!" I happily exclaim, running up to him and giving him a hug. "How's my favorite Tranquil doing today?" I release him from the hug.

"Vivian," He says in his emotionless voice. I always find it a little creepy. I also think that the whole lacking emotion thing weird. I would be terrified to lose all my emotions... though if I were Tranquil I wouldn't feel scared, or any other emotion. But losing my ability to feel, my love for Jowan, I would never want that to happen. "I must remind you that it is inappropriate to embrace someone who doesn't wish to be embraced."

"You're the only one who I hug who thinks that." I smile.

"Is there a reason you are here?" He asks.

"Yep." I nod, holding the aphrodisiac leaf up to him. "I'm wondering if you released this aphrodisiac to anyone recently and if you could tell me who it was." He takes the leaf from me and examines it.

"The Pheryl is an extremely dangerous aphrodisiac to handle, even for skilled herbalists." He monotonously explains. "Only a senior enchanter is allowed to have such a potent herb released to them, and I have not released any for a while. How did you obtain it?"

"Oh. I was hoping you could help me out. I found it laying on the floor and I was wondering who dropped it so I could return it to them." I lie.

"I am sorry but I can not help you. None have been released in several months, and it is unlikely that it would last for that time."

"Well thanks anyway." I smile. I make to grab it from him but he moves his hand away.

"This is to dangerous for you to handle. It will not last long as it is, but can still affect someone quite severely. I must properly dispose of it."

"I understand." I cheerfully say. "You get to doing that then. I'll check around elsewhere then. Bye Wain-O" I wave him goodbye and get back into the hall and sigh, hanging my head, drooping my shoulders. "I was really hoping to find out who got that aphrodisiac and put it in that water-skin." I start heading back to the apprentice quarters. I need my staff before going to my lessons and getting yelled for being so late. I should have known Owain would have kept it. Should have check around elsewhere first. I reach the apprentice quarters and go over to my bed, my staff laying on it.

"Uh, V-Vivian?" A nervous voice asks as I pick up my staff. I turn and see Nathaniel, a blond haired guy about a year older than me.

"Nate." I greet him with a smile. "What's up?"

"Um, w-well I c-couldn't help b-but notice, yesterday, that you and Jowan, well, w-went into a training room and... didn't leave all night." He says in his nervous stutter. He always seems to get so nervous and stutter when he talks with me. I see him talk with other people normally but with me he gets so nervous. Maybe he finds me intimidating. He is older than me but I am much more skilled than him. Although we do share Wynn as a mentor, not only in spirit healing but in herbalism as well. I lightly blush, smiling a bit wider.

"You noticed that?" I ask. "If you're asking what I think you are the answer is yes. Me and Jowan spent the night together." My smile transitions to a frown. "Although not under the circumstances I would have preferred."

"I-I see..." He then swallows nervously. "I... take it that m-means you both dr-drank from the w-water-skin?" I raise an eyebrow at him.

"Yes... why do you ask?" Why would he want to know if we drank from the water-skin. Did he know that the aphrodisiac was in it? Maybe he was the one who put it in there or knows who did it. If so maybe he can tell me why he or whoever it was put it in there. I should ask him. "Do you know who put that aphrodisiac in the water?" He looks away, ashamed.

"...Y-yes... I did..." He then looks up at me pleadingly. "B-but I can explain." I hold up my hand, stopping him, smiling.

"You don't need to explain. I understand." He blinks a couple of times.

"Y-you do?"

"You heard me and Jowan talking about training him to be a better kisser. So, knowing how much I love him, you decided to help us by putting it in the water-skin." I put my hand on his shoulder. "You were just trying to help bring us together." He doesn't say a word, his mouth just hanging agape. I pull him in a hug. "Thanks for the help Nate." I release him. "There's still a lot of work to go before I convince him to love me back, but you really helped us along." I walk past him, leaving him there. "I'll see you later." I wave back to him.

"W-wait!" He calls out. I stop, almost to the hall, and look back at him.

"What is it?" He has a look of faltering determination.

"That's... not the reason I put the Pheryl in the water-skin." I turn to him.

"What do you mean? Why else would you put it in there?" What is he talking about? What possible reason could he have for putting an aphrodisiac in my water other than to help me and Jowan get together? He looks away.

"I... put it in there b-because... I-I saw that you had that r-room reserved. I was hoping that... while practicing your magic, you would drink it and... f-fall under it's effect..."

"I don't understand. You were wanting me to lose my sexual restraint and have my desire for pleasure to grow immensely while I was by myself?" He starts to blush.

"Um... y-yes..." He confesses. I don't get it. Why would he want that to happen to me? I would end up becoming hot and desperately try to please myself.

"What does that accomplish?" I ask. "I would become effected by it and end up spending half the night trying to satisfy myself." He begins blushing even more. I wonder why he's getting so red. Maybe he has the same allergy that Cullen has. This is the longest that me and Nate have talked, so maybe he's just now being affected.

"I-I w-was hoping th-that you'd drink it a-and I'd come in... while you were doing that and..." He trails off. My eyes go wide, realizing what he meant.

"Nate," I start, shocked, "you... wanted to use that aphrodisiac to get me to... have sex with you?" I asked. I can't believe it.

"Y-yes." He says in a small voice.

"Why would you do such a thing?" I ask. "That is just wrong. Using an aphrodisiac to take advantage of someone."

"I-I know." He shamefully says, looking at the floor. "B-but I... just wanted to be with you. Because..." He looks up at me. "I... I love you." I'm taken aback by that. He... loves me? "A-and I knew th-that you would n-never look my way, being in love with J-Jowan and all." He turns away from me. "I just thought that... i-if you and I slept together that... maybe... your eyes would turn f-from Jowan to me..."

"Nate... I had no idea you felt that way about me." I'm really caught off guard here. If Jowan was the one who said he loved me I wouldn't find it surprising at all. But I never gave a single thought to the possibility of someone else besides Jowan, who has yet to realize he love for me, being in love with me. He falls down to his knees and begins sobbing.

"I'm... I'm sorry." He cries. "P-Please forgive me." He shakes with his sobs as I stand there, still stunned at what he told me. He put the aphrodisiac in the water-skin because he's in love with me and thought that by having sex with me would make me transition my love for Jowan to him. I'm almost too shocked to do anything. Almost. I walk over to him and kneel down beside him, gently placing my arm around his shoulders, comforting him.

"Nate, it's alright." I soothingly say. He continues to shake with his sobs. "I understand why you did what you did, even if things didn't turn out how you hoped. But what you did was wrong and immoral. Putting someone under the influence of an aphrodisiac without their knowledge so you can have sex with them is the same thing as raping them." His head snaps up, eyes wide.

"M-Maker! Y-You're right!" He cries out, sobbing even more. "I'm s-so sorry. I never m-meant to... please forgive me." I wrap my other arm around him, lightly squeezing him in a hug. He clings to the front of my robes. "P-Please f-forgive me Vivian."

"Shh, it's alright." I lightly rock him. "I forgive you." He looks up at me with his watery eyes.

"I'm s-so sorry." He sniffs. "I... I don't know w-what I was thinking. I-it's just that... I-I love you so much but... y-your eyes are always on Jowan, oblivious t-to everyone else." He's right. I'm able to easily discern if two people like each other, even if everyone else can't tell. But I didn't have a single inkling of an idea that Nate liked me, let alone loved me. I suppose it shouldn't be surprising. When you're in love with someone you do only have eyes for them, being completely unaware if anyone besides your love loves you.

"You're right. My eyes have been on Jowan. For one year, one month, and two days they've never left him." I release my hug from Nate. "And I don't think they will ever leave him." He looks away at that. "But, if you just told me how you felt instead of devising this plan to..." I don't want to say trick me or force me, that might be a little harsh and hurt him. He's already feeling terrible about it as is. "Instead of devising this plan to sleep with me, I would have probably thought about it and gave you a chance."

"I'm sorry..." He quietly says, his face in his hands.

"I know. But it's because of you that me and Jowan had the most wonderful night ever." I smile, placing my hand on Nate's back. "And I know that he'll sort through his feelings and realize that he loves me as more than a friend." He looks up at me again and I embrace him in a hug. "And for that, I thank you." He wraps his arms around me, returning the hug, crying into my shoulder. "And I'll make you a promise. If Jowan and I aren't together within a year, I'll go with you and see where things go between us." He leans back, looking at me in shock.

"Y-You mean it?" He asks, unbelieving. I nod my head with my usual bright smile I'm so well known for. He squeezes me in a hug. "Thank you..." He happily cries. I return it, rubbing his back. "I don't deserve your kindness." I am absolutely certain that me and Jowan will be together within the next month or so, but I don't want to be the reason Nate is heartbroken. He deserves to have some hope we'll be together, even if he tried to take advantage of me. Heh, now that I think about it, his love for me is probably the only reason he decided to start taking spirit healing lessons from Wynn with me. He's not very good at it, but keeps showing up. I always thought it was persistence, but I guess he just wanted to see me or be near me.

"I know we're having a heartwarming moment right now Nate but, I'm already really late for my lessons and I probably should get going before my mentor decides to come and find me." He releases me and blushes.

"S-sorry." He apologizes. He then manages a smile with his blush. "And... th-thank you. For forgiving me... and giving me a second chance."

"Don't mention it." I stand up, extending a hand down to him. He takes it and I help him up. "I'll see you around." I smile and twirl around, walking out of the apprentice quarters. These past couple of days have been quite eventful. First Jowan wants me to help him become a better kisser for that bligh... for that Lily girl. We end up drinking water that has an aphrodisiac in it and having the most amazing night ever. I then find out that Nate was the who put the aphrodisiac in the water because he loves me and thought by sleeping with me I'd end up returning his feelings. I can only wonder what will happen next. Besides Jowan confessing his undying love for me, what could possible happen that could be considered eventful?


End file.
